Let me say that it can rain in New Zealand. But, by prior arrangement with Elizabeth,
not where we were. Whilst we were in Auckland in rained in the South Island
– one place had Melbourne’s average annual rainfall in one day – and when
were in the South Island it rained in Auckland. However she claims that this
is an ability that only works in the Southern Hemisphere as it poured non-stop
in Ireland when she studied there.
So what of New Zealand?
Firstly the good part is that it is still wet, extremely fertile, and with the
softest imaginable air. The scenery is still spectacular especially when viewed
by helicopter over the Southern Lakes – which was my Father’s Day
present to myself. It’s a small country and easy to get around although
the roads, to some tastes, are too narrow and tend not to run in straight lines.
The people are nice and speak funnily enough to be quaint. The wine and food
can be spectacularly good. Pier 19 in Queenstown was a winner with both food
and wine. It was able to provide a large glass of Wild Earth Central Otago Pinot
Noir that had just been named World’s Top Red Wine at the International
Wine Challenge, as well as the best oysters I have ever eaten. However I am
hoping that there is a sufficient currency difference in favour of the Australian
dollar to take some sting out of the bill.
On the other hand, New Zealanders are becoming masters of the low level urban
shop and factory concrete sprawl. Too many miles of tilt slab construction as
you enter and leave both major and minor towns.
There should be an award to Hamilton for providing the ugliest exit and entrance
to any city. This was enhanced with a person so grotesque that I was moved to
shout ‘Look at the ugly woman!’ as a faded metallic blue Ford Meteor
drew out in front of us with what looked like an apoplectic bull walrus after
an unsuccessful sex change propped in the driver’s seat – if you
can imagine a walrus dressed in a in stretched velour track suit that was probably
a salvaged from a passing circus.
New Zealand has failed on infrastructure. Some decades ago they succumbed to
the myth of the market and said that everything would be left to private enterprise.
Shortly after that the power went off, the railways stopped, the roads became
hideously congested and even water became scarce in places. The wealthy became
wealthier and scammed the poor – it was the United States and Australia
writ large in a small country.
Maybe one day they will come to their senses, but they have devised the world’s
most complicated electoral system, quaintly described as ‘mixed member
proportional’. Rather than try to explain its complexities, I would refer
you to the Wikipedia article http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electoral_system_of_New_Zealand.
There is only one house in the New Zealand parliament, and the completely logical
fairness of the new system means that everybody gets represented but nobody
can make a decision.
And the sheep jokes can now stop as China now has the most sheep of any country
in the world – New Zealand having swapped the once ubiquitous Romney Marsh,
Perendale, Corridale and Merino for dairy cows. Dairy has all the makings of
another South Sea bubble. High country between Rotorua and Taupo, once regarded
as so impoverished that it was planted with the ubiquitous pinus radiata, is
now being cleared for dairy farms. Fertility will be achieved with vast lashings
of super phosphate, megalitres of water and other chemical curiosities, which
will generally stuff the environment.
However, the Kiwi’s inability to stop Auckland being a 300 square kilometre
parking bay in the morning and afternoon rush hour cannot compare with Qantas’
inability to get an aircraft off the ground on time. Flying fairly regularly,
I can safely say that I have never been on one of their aircraft that has taken
off as scheduled. Two hours late leaving Melbourne was dwarfed for sheer stupidity
by sitting on the Auckland tarmac for an hour waiting for catering. Just a routine
short flight to Queenstown wouldn’t call for a three course gourmet meal,
I pondered whilst peering pensively out the porthole. But it must be a great
meal if it’s taking this amount of time. The surprise and derision when
we were offered the alternative of a cookie or an apple.
Incidentally, I also object to flying for nearly four hours in a Boeing 737
which has just been pulled off the Melbourne to Sydney shuttle run and where
the seat and elbow room made breathing an exercise in cultural adaptation. Qantas
has become an airline whose only apparent interest is the well being of its
management and shareholders – not its passengers. Forget the Frequent Flyer
points. I think it is time for a change.
There was more, but it will have to wait till next month – if I can survive
going back to work.
